Question: When you do the kurmai what do we give to the boy’s mom?
First of all, congratulations on the upcoming marriage that will take place in your family. The kurmai can precede the Anand Karaj (marriage ceremony) by any length of time – literally years to one week before. As a key component of the Punjabi engagement ceremony, the kurmai ceremony is traditionally held at the groom’s home or at a gurdwara. The groom is presented with gifts brought by the bride’s family. Often, the bride’s family will present gifts for the mother and father of the bride at the kurmai ceremony. The gifts may include a suit for the mother and a shirt or turban for the father. Usually the gifts bestowed on the in-laws are limited to these items and if the family chooses, additional gifts are given during the actual wedding. Although this has been a custom for many years, your Auntyji believes it is time to change the expectation for the Bride’s family to give a dowry to the groom’s. I believe that both families should give what they choose to their children and stop the gift giving to the parents and other relatives of the groom.
I hope is helps,